Non-Prepping Spouse
 

So, you all remember how whenever I mention that my husband isn't a prepper and thinks this is nuts, and a bunch of GIMers always write that that would be it, the marriage would be over were it them? Well, it turns out my husband agrees with you,...as does his new girlfriend, Lisa. Let's just say it was a day full of surprises and none of them were good ones...

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

Sorry to hear that, but....

Look on the :shine: side. You can now divorce, take half (or more) and invest it in preps or metals, and use each one of your alimony checks to buy more, while finding someone out there who is actually good enough for you.

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

oh Maddie... the dog.

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

So sorry Maddie. No one likes that kind of surprise.
I hope you hid the gold well. If you are prepped mentally you will bounce back better then most.
Remember, when one door closes another will open.
Hoping for an easy break up,
EE

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

Too ba maie but I guess that the writing was on the wall.

I hope that the future brings you where you want to be an I hope that the right man comes into your life and makes life better.

Stay tough chica

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

aww Maddie.
Im sorry too.
That sux. what an a-hole he is...
you have all of us here....
wish I knew what else to say....
hang in there
and take him for everything you can ....the jerk

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

Well, there won't be any alimony checks (I'm in my 40s and we don't have kids). It looks, right now, like I'm going to continue living in the house for a while (and taking over all the payments and utilities, etc.), and he's going to move out, which is what he wants to do. Eventually we'll sell the house and split whatever comes of that.

I'm heartbroken. He just told me today that it's over, and he's probably going to live here for the next couple of months while we get our act together, fix up the house, and figure out how to do this. It's going to be really hard for me. Yesterday when I looked at him, he was my husband. Now, all of a sudden, I still love him and have to see him, but he's someone else's (but he hopes we can "still be friends"). He swears their relationship is only two weeks old (as if that will make it hurt less??? he's leaving me for a two-week old relationship!). I'll get through this, and I'll just have to remind myself that someday the pain will fade and that maybe there's someone special out there waiting on the other side. For now, though, this really, really sux!

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

Maddie, he didn't meet her two weeks ago and he will probably change his mind back and forth.. Thats what happens in situations like this. The best thing you can do is take control of this to save yourself unneeded hurt. In all honesty making him leave NOW will be the easiest thing for you in the long run. It will also be a reality check to him.

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

Maddie -

"That which doesn't kill you makes you stronger".

It also doesn't stop the immediate pain.

When it happened to me

I found me a Valkyrie alsatian lady lawyer with

A laugh like bottles breaking.

As a result, $182,000 run up on over 30 credit cards,

Without my knowledge, ended up on the exe's side of the fence.

Have no mercy.


Pulling for you

scyth

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

I'm sorry to hear that, but I am happy you found out NOW, rather than when you needed him most.

I'm sure there are several suitors around GIM you can pick from, if you'd like to trade in the defective model for a top-quality one.

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

I am sure that it hurts and it will be that way for quite some time. At least you on't have kis or else the pain and iscomfort would last immeasurably longer.

Maybe if it is at all possible you can travel for awhile. Go on a loooong drive around some remote and beautiful places in the U.S. and Canada. Go and lose yourself for awhile.

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

Im no lawyer but,
it seems to me if your going to be the one making the payments on the house.... its your house.

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

Gosh Maddie...that sucks. I've been in a monagamous relationship for 18 years, but I do remember the pain from my 20's and it still hurts a little.

My wife kinda thinks I am nuts, but agrees with me on prepping.

Avalon is right, move on! I'm in my late 40's and if I wasn't with a great woman then you would be prime real estate. Everything happens for a reason.

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

Sorry to hear that Maddie, I know this doesn't help much, but I've been reading your comments for some time, can't help but feel your the kind of gal that many on this forum would love to be friends with at the very least, I would be proud to have someone like you as a friend.
Can't say any more than that, I hope someday you will find joy and love again, and remember if she will move in on someone else s man, she may very well take him for a ride and do unto him what he did onto you.

Pusher

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

Maddie
I hate to hear these kind of things. To many men lose sight of the important things in a marriage. [some women too]

Hopefully you will get out with the least possible pain and trouble.

My sister went through a similar situation about 2 years ago. Her husband and his girlfriend had already bought a new house together months before sis knew anything about the impending divorce.

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

I was hurt years ago too.

I wish you the best

I 2nd that.

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

Maddie, sorry to hear of this.

However my hardheaded self feels the need to warn you...

Immediately split up any/all joint accounts, then close them. If there are credit cards, be sure that they too are set up to be separate for each of you and change your PIN.

Get the most hardnosed, vicious divorce lawyer in the area you can, and pay them immediately even if only for 1 hour of advice. This will prevent them from EVER being able to work for your ex.

Depending on your state, there is a possibility that you will still be liable, if you are in a community property state. I can't give you specific legal advice of course, just warning you.

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

Maddie, I dont want to sound mercenary but he is right. Your husband has someone else influencing him at the moment. You need to protect yourself pronto..

I cant stress enough that telling him to leave now is the quickest way to either lessen your pain and move on or make him realize what an ass he is and end the affair.

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

Yes, I wouldn't spend one cent or one minute helping him in any way with his brain dead decision. I would go camping and turn off the utilities and not make one more payment on anything joint owned. It will be miserable, but the misery will end more quickly.

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

Thanks, everyone. We already have all our finances in separate bank accounts, and the credit cards, etc., are separate.

To clarify, this wasn't just about prepping. That's just one of the ways we've grown apart and his argument of choice for venting his rage at other stresses in his life. The underlying problem is that our house needs a lot of work, and he tends to withdraw and escape when things like that are stressing him out, and we've both been under a lot of work stress, too (plus, my father is slowly dying of cancer, so there's stress there, too). I've been offering to pay for half of the work (I can't afford the whole cost), arrange the work, help him do the work if he wanted to do it himself, etc., but he's been putting me off, and of course, the longer it's been put off, the worse it's gotten. He's been steadily withdrawing, and I've not been able to stop it. We'd reconnect, and things would seem to be going well, then another job stress would hit him, and he'd start running away again. He admits that in his mind he can't separate me from the stress of a roof and siding that need to be replaced, the stress of his job, etc.

Instead of coming home and facing the house issues, he'd taken to staying out late with his friends after work and hanging out at their houses. The woman he's taken up with was one of that group. He often met them right from work and they're people in his profession, so I was never included in the group or invited, which was frustrating. The irony is that he's going to have to deal with the issues he's been avoiding, and it was his avoidance of them that lead us to this place.

I'm heartbroken and scared, but I know I'll get through it all eventually. I'm not out for blood. I just want to look out for my survival. I'm sadder about his not loving me and about my being reduced to the status of a leaky roof than I am about his having a girlfriend.

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

I'm very sorry to hear that, Maddie. I just hope everything works out for you.

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

{{{{Maddie}}}}

I think that most of the possible sensible advice has already been given among the 20 previous replies.

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

I know that these things happen every day, but it still disturbs me.

From my experience (and I have been divorced twice, first time I was a ass, the second time I tried to make up for the guilt from the first). Don't be nice! It will tear at you on the inside but be strong.

Yup, I agree. Odds are great that he will do the back and forth thing, (its a man thing, called control) and that will be worse than a clean break NOW.

Good advice.

Time for you to be as cold as he was to screw around on you BEFORE saying anything. Sounds like if she tosses him overboard there is a good chance he will come back saying "sorry" until he finds another. Believe me there is no good friends here, and no fixing things up now.

But it won't be over for you till you can look at him and not feel anything more than how you would feel towards a neighbor.

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

Maddie sorry to hear this. As far as the stress on him and all that well from a man's viewpoint it's probably bs. Move on.

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

QWAK,Maddie,Some how thease things seem to happen at the most INOPERTUNE TIME -- sorry :signs14: It is part of YOUR adventure -- a very HARD PART but much like I found out over 20 years ago -- IF your partner is NOT in it 100% with you then better that they LET YOU DOWN sooner rather than later when it COULD be a lot worse!:yes:

I am shure it does not seem like it NOW :bawling: as your emotions are RAW and mostly you are NUMB and in a state of SHOCK:yes::36_1_25::favorites21:but after a bit of time you will see that as strange as it now seems -- IT could have been much WORSE had he BAILED OUT later AFTER -- TSHTF and that would have been SOoooooooooo much WORSE!:thinkey::shine:

As soon as you are able you MUST get moving to PROTECT your self as this MUST have been in HIS mind growing for conciderable time and most likely HE has already thaken some actions (other than the girl friend) and you need to do what you can FAST to NUTRALISE or MINIMISE the impact that you KNOW will come!:yes:

You need to DISTENCE your self from the EMOTIONAL and FOCUS on the PRATICAL so that this does not DEVOUR you from the inside out!:36_1_30:

Once you are out of the BLAST ZONE you can stop and deal with the emotional damage -- for NOW just KEEP MOVING and try to subdue your emotional responces as they will just cloud your mind and the ISSUES that must be dealt with quickly.

I am shure all here at GIM will give what suport and advice that they can!:23_1_22::36_3_13:

the DUCK :15_1_70v:

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

Sorry to hear this Maddie -- you need to get him out of the house ASAP, before the future friendship suffers. Things might get ugly if he stays with you... Things change once you know. I needs to see what life is going to be like without you -- not have his cake and eat it too like he has been doing. Just my opinion!

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

Maddie, Im sorry to hear about this. I truly am.

But, the bright side is, you just doubled your preps!

Also, staying in the same house can either make it better, or worse, most likley worse. No kids involved makes it cleaner, thats for sure, but I think it might be a bumpy couple of months being in the same domicile.


would you two work together to fix the house up and get affairs in order worse if he were in a hotel or temporary apartment? Sure, it adds an expense (to him!)but if you want to salavage any future relationship, friendly, passive, or otherwise, it may be something to look into.

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

:23_1_22::23_1_22::23_1_22: Poor Maddie, what a bombshell to drop on you.

Be sure to concentrate on taking care of YOU during this time; the last additional thing you need added to your plate is getting sick with something.


:23_1_22::23_1_22::23_1_22:

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

He has a business trip this week and will be out of town until Saturday (and that's assuming he returns here when he comes back), so I have some time to handle this.

Otherwise, he couldn't have timed this worse. He didn't come home from work Friday, had his cell phone turned off, and didn't show up until this morning, so I had an idea this was happening, but then, like I said, he tends to avoid stuff, and it would have been like him to just be spending the weekend avoiding our recently flooded basement (which, by the way, I was shop-vacuuming water out of when he finally showed up...we had "the" conversation while I was soaking wet and covered with muck, and you can imagine how that felt!). He's spent the night out before when he was stressed and avoiding dealing with it. For me, tomorrow is the first day of the quarter, and I'm the Director of Education, which means I have to work 14 hours, through the day and evening classes, putting out fires and handling whatever crisis pops up under the anxious eye of my new boss. The first day of the quarter is absolute hell for me under normal circumstances, and we lost two days of prep time to flooding last week, so I expect some major chaos. Somehow I'm going to have to keep my head my emotions in check for 14 hours.

So, to sum up, last week at work was extremely hectic and stressful; he put me through hell this weekend worrying about whether he was dead or with someone or just practicing his typical avoidance behavior; my dad (who is slowly dying of cancer) got very sick on Saturday, and I had to go help my mom; tomorrow is a hectic 14-hour work day and the week will be rough. In the midst of this, he comes home today, tells me he's found someone else and we're over, and he's leaving for a week early tomorrow morning. He said, "I think it's better for you if I don't spend the night here tonight." I asked him to stay (he can sleep on the couch). Right now, it's too much for him to come back here for a few hours after worrying me for 3 days, tell me it's over, go spend the night with her, and then disappear for 6 days while I have to get through a 14-hour workday tomorrow. Geez, he could show a little respect! I think I at least deserve to not have to sit here in shock and know that he's with her tonight.

And don't worry. I WILL take care of myself.

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

Maddie I so sorry to learn what you're going through. Don't give the SOB a second chance to screw you over, get whatever PM's you have out of his reach. If you're like me it might be best to entrust the guns to a trusted family member in case you decide to use them on the SOB.

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

Yes, take care...


One never knows their spouse.



Hide the gold....



Gold? What 'gold'?

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

I am sorry about this Maddie. I can't imagine the pain you are feeling. I am only 22, have never been married, but have definitely been in your shoes, albeit as a highschool loverboy. My advice to you; EVERYTHING happens for a reason. There IS somebody out there for you. You WILL get past this even stronger than you already are. Now, you can focus more of your attention on prepping and other things you enjoy. Good will definitely come of this and you will rebound a stronger woman, no doubt.

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

Thanks, Gordon, and thanks everyone. Your support means a lot to me. It's been a rough day. I know I'll get through this somehow, and I'm not the sort to hold onto the pain and anger. When I can, I'll move on with my life.

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

No offense, but the guy is a Pansy. He can stay out late with his co-workers
cause he is so stressed out. But he can't bite the bullet and do what he has to do to repair His House.
The guy is a Cry Baby Pansy. (I'd like to use another word).

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

Unbelieveable. He says he's stressed out??!! Excuse me Maddie, for butting in, but that is one pisspoor excuse for a man. I usually don't comment on threads like this, but his behavior is so outrageous, I had to say something.

Again, I don't normally say things like this, but get a good lawyer and get everything you can. You sound like a strong woman, I'm sure that when this is all over, you will be a happier person, though it doesn't seem that way now to you.

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

Odds are that as soon as your divorce is final she will drop him like a used rubber, seen it happen quite a few times.

Sorry you are going through this Maddie.

:bear_cry:

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

:applause_:applause_

Maddie:23_1_22::553:

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

I haven't posted here in forever, but I feel the need to make a comment. I was married to a non-prepping spouse for 10 years. "I was crazy," etc. Infidelity wasn't involved, but complete lack of positive symbiosis was. She basically wanted to keep me in a jar on the shelf and offered no companionship and wanted me to abandon all socialization and recreation.

She would play mind games (on herself or me?) and file for divorce and then withdraw. She would threaten financial ruin and character assassination if I left her. One day, I took her up on the divorce papers stunt, less than a year ago. She regrets it big time and wants me back. That isn't going to happen. Though she thought my pm stash was "crazy", she sure wanted half (more than half actually). It was worth it to end that relationship.

I found a wonderful new girlfriend within 2 months that I am still with today and I plan on getting married very soon. I even said I'd never marry again. I've moved out of state and got a new higher paying job. The cost of living here is higher though. I too had to remodel my house. I hired an ex-con to do the work for half the price. I lucked into finding him. In this crappy market, I am glad to say my house has just sold after being on the market about 30 days. I only put in about $12,000 to remodel it and 90 days of hard labor (after work).

My point is, you can do it too. I think I am very lucky or as religious peope say "blessed." You are too.

For the record, in my opinion, your husband has been cheating on you for a long time. He was never with his work buddies. Everytime he was with her. So forget him. He is not worthy of you. You are a responsible adult woman who tries to take care of her house and holds down a job. He is a POS that abandons responsibility.

Be strong, move on. He is the anchor that has been cut.

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

So sorry, Maddie. Life can be hard. Take a deep breath, and deal with one day at a time. :rose:

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

sorry to hear what rough times you're going through.

i believe when tshtf you will be glad he's not there dragging you down and by then you will have found yourself what he wasn't; a partner.
:rose:

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

Well, he just left to be with her before going out of town on business tomorrow. Get this: He said it was because it was better for me! Like 6 hours after I find out it's over I need to be thinking of him sleeping with her?

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

He might have been cheating, but it wasn't with her! Two weeks ago he accidently called me when he meant to call her and didn't realize it. At that point he said he was in her neighborhood and he was asking for her exact address. I didn't realize he thought he was talking to someone else, and he didn't realize he was talking to me, and after a few confused minutes in which he said things like "Oh...you want to do this over the phone?" I said, "Carl, this is your wife. Who did you think you were calling?" He said, "Lisa" and hung up quickly. It definitely bothered me, but I figured if he didn't know where she lived, he probably wasn't having an affair with her. Of course, that was two weeks ago, so three or four hours after the phone call, he apparently was having an affair with her... I asked him about that today, and he said he was going over there to talk to her about how trapped he feels by the house, etc. So, I can't solely blame the other woman for all this. He clearly went over there on the prowl.

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

As I said, no mercy.

Been there.


scyth

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

Kick him to the curb, change your locks & move on. What a loser. He's shown his true colors.

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

Good advice: get a lawyer immediately, have him removed from the premises pronto, change the locks. If you are in the Atlanta area and need a friend drop me a note.

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

I've been on both sides of the situation. Believe me... it hurts either way. I feel no guilt from being on the receiving end from my first wife. I carry the guilt to this day of being the offender in another relationship and f'ing over my best friend.

Only advice I can offer is a line from a Drop Dead Murphy song..."And my anger is my energy...".

Be well and God Bless.

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

Hi Maddie,

I don't post here very often but I totally agree with this. I've seen it happen many times and the unfaithful spouse comes back begging for another chance. If this happens, don't give it to him. He's only buying time until he finds someone else.

And definitely get him out NOW! It's better and far less stressful for you even though it may not seem so at the time. Trust me on this.

Another thing I really want to stress is the importance of getting everything in writing, documented and signed by both of you. When I divorced my ex I was on disability and had some credit cards that I couldn't pay. They were less than $500.00, but the ex promised to pay them and I trusted him. Needless to say, he didn't pay them leaving me with a huge debt after interest and late charges built up, that $500.00 soared to the thousands, and left me with a very bad credit rating. So please, whatever you do, don't take his word for anything. Get it all down legally.

Good luck to you, and I firmly believe that you are now looking towards the best years of your life. Though it may not seem so now, you'll see. :)

Take care.

Deb

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

There aren't many worse things in life than having to go through what you are going through. It won't be forever, and it really is true that 'this too shall pass'.

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

Great contributions to all, that are consoling with Maddie at the mo.

Maddie, there some fine pieces of advice here. My world too fell apart but I had kids. A long woeful story that one is.

You will go through the gyrations as all humans do.

The denial/shock.

The Anger.

The bargaining.

The depression.

And finally, the acceptance, but only when you begin to pull yourself from the pity pit, you will have the opportunity to either accept his bargaining, or find someone more realistic and understanding that can compliment the relationship, and not contradict it. .

One day Maddie, you will have your chance to call the shots.

We all deserve better, but before acquiring a better way, wisdom has to be gained.

And gaining that wisdom is the hardest part.


I am a bloke, and not even I would have the audacity to seek redemption after such an evil, and calculated dishonour.

Keep your eye on the original objective,-prepping.

There is no weights dragging you down now. A much better life lays ahead, you just stay on track.


Thoughts of kind.

SH

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

Maddie,

I only now noticed this thread.

I'm so sorry. I know how it hurts.

There's really nothing to add to the excellent advice you've gotten here except maybe some attitude adjustment:

If someone is not treating you with love and respect, it is a blessing if they walk away from you.


:36_1_32v::36_1_32v::36_1_32v:

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

Too bad Maddie... for HIM. You, on the other hand, are FREE.

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

Maddie, it's never a good time and it always hurts and is not easy. Take care of YOU, keep YOU in focus, you owe him nothing.

I agree with what Skyvike says about someone who would do this... Thank god and greyhound he's gone. You will heal and you will reach that point where you realize how much better off you are and it will show up sooner than you think.

Take care of business, even though you hurt, some of it is pride, it isn't all love. You will realize this as you heal.

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

Thanks, again, to everyone for the support. Day 2 has been really hard (I've never been hurt so deeply). I'm getting past the initial shock enough to start really looking at my options and resources. I going to speak to an attorney and find out where I stand and what kinds of options I have or don't have. God, I hate this!

I have been married and divorced once before. I know the pain will eventually fade. It's going to be a hard year, though.

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

At least you have come to the right place. You have friends here Maddie. You can go through whatever is ahead of you with the support of those friends.

A song for you.

<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/c5IIXeR5OUI&hl=en&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/c5IIXeR5OUI&hl=en&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

Maddie I would see a lawer. I don't know how long you have been married but you own half of everything in those years. Like if he had a retirement plan through his work and you don't you may have a claim to half of it?

I would kick him out of the house and forget trying to be friends with the snake.

There are a bunch of support groups you may want to go to for a while to help you through these tough times.

You could do a search for " support group separated divorced women " and include your home town and you will find some.

He was supposed to be your best friend and he betrayed you - I think he is a snake.

He hurt and betrayed you and you deserve better.

I wish you the best - see a lawer and kick him out IMO:rose:

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

Maddie,

Sorry to hear this. I agree with everyone else who has said chuck him out of the house now. You have not been able to rely on him to do the house repairs so far, so it is unlikely he will get on and do them now. He'll just play more head games with you and be unreliable.

I would get a good handyman, if you can find one, or contractors if need be. Get something drawn up with the lawyer that he is legally responsible for half of the costs. If it is at all possible, get estimates for whatever the jobs are and get him to pay his share up front. Give him a week or two to get his things out of the house, and tell him that,after that, you will contact him through a lawyer and only when strictly necessary.

He has behaved like a rat, you could never trust him again, and in any event, a non-prepper, with no understanding of what is afoot in the world, is a burden not an asset these days.

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

Not trying to be out of line here but....

Get an STD test. Seriously.

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

Excellent point Victor.

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

Don't be so sure of that. That may have nothing to do with the outcome. The law in these parts has to do with "continuing to live in the life style you are accustomed to". This basically means, that since he instituted the divorce, you have to be able to maintain the same level of living after as you did before. So if you currently work you will have to continue to. If you cannot cover your documented needs, he will have to make up the difference to the level that he did before the divorce. There's more to this than you may think. Go get a good lawyer. Preferably from a larger town than you are from. Forget the "let's be friends" stuff. He's looking for a weak spot. Be strong, be vicious, be independent.

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

http://deafmela2008.googlepages.com/...Spray-full.jpg

yesterday i got an important lesson in prepping on Mt. Rainier.

at about 6000 feet elevation there's wild blueberries all over the place. "oh My God, they might be poison sumac" i thought. meanwhile these young kids were eating them. so i took the plunge and picked a handful.

anyway, that was yesterday's prepping.

as far as your husbands Grande Mis-Step, i don't know what to say except, i'm sorry. i've seen this happen more than once, middle-aged guys losing their minds.

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

Maddie, I just read this thread and I have to say that you seem to be taking this about as good as possible. I know I would not take it so well. Hang in there, gal. My heart hurts for you.

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

Kick his lying butt to the street. Max out his credit cards, empty his bank account. Take the money and visit every divorce attorney in your area, then pick the best attorney. This leaves him with an out of town lawyer and you with the best local one. Change the locks and all your PIN numbers. Close any joint accounts. Do not have anymore contact with him, there is no such thing as "Just friends". Have your new best attorney file a restraining order on the bum. Do not let him back on the premises, put his personal property (clothes, shoes and bathroom stuff) on the lawn so he can get it. Stay in the house but look for new diggs, don't move till the divorce is finalized. Do not spend a penny on the house, save your $$ for after the divorce. You might want to empty any personal accounts too, just so you�ll look poor to the courts. Try for alimony, you might get it. Until this is over record everything, either by writing it down or better yet with a video camera. DO NOT TRY TO BE NICE, this is war and the meanest SOB will be the winner. Move anything valuable to a storage locker rented in a trusted friends name. Do all this, this week while he�s gone, it�ll be a nice surprise for when he returns. Do not speak to anyone local about the divorce, do not speak to him. Refer all questions to your attorney. Keep a stiff upper lip and I�m sure you�ll prevail. And one last thing, if he has a dog, sell it or give it away while he�s out of town and don�t tell him where it is. Good luck and remember you�re single again and there�s a whole ocean of fish just waiting to be caught!
:36_3_12:

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

I'm sorry you are going through this. I went through the same thing in my first marriage. I found out my husband was cheating by listening on the other phone when he got a call and took it outside. It was one of his co-workers who I had met and had bad vibes. I just knew something was going on because of the way he was acting and that call confirmed what I suspected. It was really tough because I knew no one in the area to lean on but I moved quickly to make sure I would be okay. I went to a hotel that night and I called her husband and told him what was going on. That was first. My husband was pissed that I called him, lol. The next day I listed the house, went to the bank and cleaned out savings then went searching for an apartment. I found a place right away. I hired movers and took all the furniture except I think I left him a few junky pieces, lol. I took all the dishes and kitchen stuff. Then I waited for the house to sell. It sucked because I still had to make half payments on that mortgage to try to protect my credit, which he screwed up anyhow. There were a couple things in both our names and of course as irresponsible as he was he paid late many times and my credit score ended up around 580 I think. But the house sold in a few months and I was free of that mess. I didn't hire a lawyer. I filed all my own divorce documents. It cost me $50 total. I was amazed I was able to do this all on my own and it felt great. (we didn't have kids and I didn't want to spend a lot of money and didn't feel a lawyer could get me much. I made a lot more money than he did so I wasn't looking for any type of support. I took a job that required a lot of travel and that kept me busy and kept my mind off everything. I visited lots of cool areas of the country.

Two years later, I was remarried to a responsible guy who supports my prepping and joins me in it. We agree on everything that is important politically and financially. We have two great kids and I now have a credit score of 800. So you can do it too and come out in much better shape. Hang in there. We are here for you. Stay strong!

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

Maddie, everyone else has covered the essentials, so the only thing left are my thoughts.

1) Judging you on nothing more than the words you type here, you are a catch, a real lady, and at the risk of angering my S-O, probably the exact fantasy of about a million men, especially among the scintillating bastions of stoicism that are left in this world, like our BBS here.

2) Depending on the type of man your ex was (or wasn't) it hurts a lot more to be the cheater, than the cheatee. IF he has a soul. This pain will follow him around for years upon years upon years. Your pain, while greater than his now, will continually decrease every moment, starting now. Eventually you will be completely healed and his sorrow, and guilt, and shame for his own actions will still be increasing. I don't mean for this to sound vindictive; what I mean is that in the end we are most responsible to ourselves. What we have done in this life stays with us forever, and this is compounded by the fact that most people have no idea how to forgive themselves. Even if during 'regular time' a normal human being likes to make excuses and rationalizations for 'why' they are doing something, our mind files these events away and will continue to bring them up time and time again until they are dealt with.

3) Chin-up. There's always puppies. There's always more love in the world. It's out there right now, just waiting...regenerating...

http://www.dogo-argentinos.org/avail...s%2010days.jpg http://cdn-www.dailypuppy.com/media/...5.jpg_w450.jpg

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

OMG! Thos are the cutest puppies! The one on the left looks like a little polar bear!

I really appreciate all the support here. I'm not going to say much about my plans here, as he knows I come here a lot, and he may look in and read this :wavey::moon: (<-- just in case he is).

I'm doing much better today. My amazon self seems to have returned (the self/strength that got me through the years of debilitating headaches, the ex-husband, a whole lot of really hard times). The truth is that my husband and I don't have much in common anymore. I'm not sure we have anything in common anymore. As much as I love him and would have liked to have spent the rest of my life with him, we probably will both be happier in the long run if we move on. I'm actually starting to get a little excited about the future, the future beyond getting this mess resolved. I know I'll have good days and bad days, that this is going to be a hard year, and that it will be hard to see him when he returns from California Saturday. I'm sure she was out there with him, and I doubt he'll stay here long before he goes over to her place, but it's going to be hard to see him again. How do you suddenly stop and step back from 20 years of being intimate friends? I don't think we're both going to be able to stay here (and I don't plan to move anytime soon). Anyway, today wasn't a bad day.

And thanks again. Your support really means a lot to me.

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

You go, girl!

But absolutely do not forget nor neglect

Crossing the T's and dotting the I's of

The legal/ monetary maze, ASAP.

There is this thing that happens;

You realize that you, as a person will survive the blow.

It is a heady moment.

Kind of a high, and it can trip you up.

Because you think you might not need a lawyer,

Or just run with the exisiting financial status quo.

Change your accounts

Get yourself a lawyer who takes no prisoners, ever.

Put all that you wish in your name, in your name.

I'm way happily married, so I have no dog in this fight.

My reference is to the dark days of 1995.

And how I learned, figuring it out.


scyth

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

MtnMan and TNA have said everything that needs to be said.

Glad to see your chin is coming up.

And you're back in the game.

We're all pulling for you.

:s9:

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

Wow, that sucks.

In all honesty though, from what you have said about him, he sounds like a loser. House stressing him out? What a little bitch.

Find a real man. Shouldn't be too hard for a wonderful woman like you.

:36_3_12:

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

Sorry to hear about the hassles you're being put through. Two words to remember, though....Lorena Bobbitt!

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

Hi everyone, just an update: It looks like he's going to let me take over and keep the house without any argument (he actually wants me to do that), and he doesn't seem to object to my having a share of his pension. He's going to look for an apartment this week, and in the meantime he's staying with her. He'll check into the health insurance tomorrow to see if I'm vested in it enough that I can continue to get from his employer (for about $50/month), which would be great. I'm so relieved that he wants to walk away from the house (actually, I think he wants to run away from the house).

It's been a very hard week, but I'm doing as well as I can be under the circumstances. I hate this, but I'll get through it.

Thanks for the support. You all are great!
~Maddie

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

Maddie,

Good for you!

Keep your chin up.

This, too, shall pass.

All the best.

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

Outstanding Maddie! It sounds like you're doing a great job managing this disaster.

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

How insensitive. Maddie, just read your post. Nothing I can say you don't already know. When it rains it pours, but when the sun comes back out, it's so sweet.

I'm sorry to hear about your Dad and losing your husband to a low-life hussy (hey, any woman that runs around w/a married man is a low-life hussy in my book).

Surely don't give this Lisa gal ANY kind consideration in any way, shape or form, and bring your dog out with you if she attempts to come on your property. I wouldn't even let her in my driveway.

Well, I have a black streak in my heart on these matters, I probably would have his personal belongings packed and sitting on the porch instructing him to go live with his "ho" (after confiscating a few items for barter purposes later, possession is 9/10ths of the law). That's me though, it would be war in my house, you're nicer and more civilized :) Then I'd cry later....

Hang in there. I know you'll take care of yourself. God Speed!

P.S. Part of his pension? Nawwww...50% for the entire time you were married.

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

Glad you are having a good day Maddie. This past summer a guy in town (small town too) cheated and his soon to be X painted on the back of his car

"I CHEATED WITH WHORE" Most of the town got a kick out of it. Everywhere he went, there he was. :rofl:

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

Best of luck to you Maddie. Divorce can be tough, but sometimes it's for the best.

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

Third times a charm? Or is that 3 strikes you are out?

Ahhh a little humor to lighten the mood up a bit.

You know in your soul that what comes next is best for you. God speed.

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

Hi Maddie,

I've been away and had started to read the initial posts a few days ago. I was all set to tell you to boot his behind out of the house, but it looks as though that has taken care of itself. It's the best thing...even though at first a lot of time folks think they can make the whole 'living together until it's done' thing work. (BTDT, myself...and it never ends in a pretty way.)

You're a prepper, girl...so you already know that you're strong and resourceful. Just keep on tapping into that strength and resourcefulness when the going gets ugly (and, since you've been through this before, you know that even in the easiest of divorces, it will). Lots of hugs and support here...so when the jackass starts getting to you...just keep smiling and stay strong.

My only other real piece of advice is to just take really good care of yourself right now. It's easy not to when things like this happen, but if you keep it in the mindset of prepping, doing what is best for the future is what you're already all about.

Hang in there...this too shall pass.

Hugs,

Belle

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

http://dynamicearth.ipbfree.com/uplo...mo-th_hugs.gif http://dynamicearth.ipbfree.com/uplo...mo-th_hugs.gif http://dynamicearth.ipbfree.com/uplo...mo-th_hugs.gif
Sounds like you have it well under control Maddie, oh jeez what a useless twit. Like others mentioned, be ready for him to want to come back. Harsh sweetie http://dynamicearth.ipbfree.com/uplo...mo-th_hugs.gif but once it's over a whole new adventure begins. Good luck and if I can do anything to help I'm here for you. We're ALL here for you

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

Good luck to you Maddie.:bear_cry: Now go find a better man then that goof.:bear_happy:

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

Lol! One of these days I'll get this place fixed up enough that I can have a party here without, say, the deck collapsing or the roof falling in. Of course, it would have to just be GIM-types on the guest list. Anyone else would probably freak out about the ammo dump and all the gun safes...

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

In all fairness, though he's handled all of this about as badly as anyone could, he was a good husband for many years. I was disabled by the migraines when he married me and very sick much of the time. Living with someone with a chronic illness is not easy, and he went out of his way to try to take care of me and try to make life easier for me. When we caved, I had a reputation of being a better and much tougher caver than he was, and that's got to be hard for a man to take, but he always supported my caving. We had a lot of stress early on and, with my being unable to work steadily, we were very broke. He could have had a much more normal life with someone else. He stuck with me through things most people would never have the strength and willingness to see through. It's very sad that it's ended like this, but I do want to give credit where credit is due.

He's not going to come back. He's been pulling away from all this for a couple of years, and I really think finding a girlfriend was his way of making himself break away and start over. If the girlfriend dumped him tomorrow, he still wouldn't be back. He's made his choice.

Today was hard. He came by for a few minutes to put in a wireless router for my computer (which has been networked through his and has been giving me connectivity fits). The dogs are taking this very hard. They're both acting depressed, and when he left today, the Husky (who adores him) went nuts. I had to lock her in for fear she'd go over the fence and try to follow him. She spent the next 40 minutes running back and forth from the door to the window, anxiously watching for him, then she started to cry (which with Huskys is a piercing, plaintive whine/howl) and wouldn't stop. It broke my heart! I took her for a nice long walk, but she continued to watch out for him all day. I wish I could explain to them what's happening. I had a rough day, too. I saw his towel hanging on the back of the bathroom door this morning and burst into tears at the thought that everything has changed now. I've started putting his things into his home office until he comes to get the rest of his stuff, and I cleaned his stuff out of the refrigerator and kitchen cabinets. I don't need to be breaking into hysterical sobs every time I open the fridge and see a half-empty jar of pasta sauce he'll never finish...

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

Maddie,

It shows a huge (and rare) amount of integrity to give him credit where credit is due. I'm proud of you.

As far as the party, I'd advise caution but only because dropping a casual hint would result in more volunteers than you could feed.

:15_1_70v::15_1_70v::15_1_70v:

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

Oh I just don't get it. What changed? Why put in all those years of work and understanding to walk away when it finaly gets smooth? I agree give credit where it's due, but I'm sort of reminded of the excuses I made for my ex too. (same story, new girlfriend, a waitress at the all night diner) For example, he ignored our daughter, he couldn't afford to call her or come pick her up for weekend visits (even with a $70k income) so I'd pay his gas money to spend time with her. Actually, for a while I worked past when the daycare closed and so I paid him to pick her up from daycare and bring her to me at work. And I lied to her to cover his ass. Sometimes 6 months would go by without his seeing her and I lied to her to cover for him. One day he's in the parking lot at the grocery store, talking to his dad, I get out of the truck with my 3 yr old and she yells "Daddy daddy!! There's daddy, mom and he's not working!!!" He turned his back on her, continued talking to his dad and never did come over to say hello. She was heart broken, and that was when I finally realized he was just talk. Cheap talk.

So if he was genuinely good to you then you will have no regrets for your time together, but if you're making excuses for him then you have a lot to work through. My sincere hopes for the former and not the latter.

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

It does take two to tango.

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

QWAK,Brio,Some times we WANT and NEED to BELIEVE so much that we BLIND OUR SELVES :yes: we don't want to see at some deep emotional level so we OVER LOOK and IGNORE and even GIVE MORE to try and MAKE IT be what we WANT and NEED it to be.:confused_ma::thumb.aspx:

We DBOUT and BLAME our selves:36_1_30: for not doing MORE or trying HARDER or some how GIVING more than we did -- after the relationship fails which just makes us MORE CONFUSED and CRAZY! :confused_ma::10_1_19:

Personaly I wright it off as KARMA :yes: --- I did NOT deserve all the KICKES the head or heart:36_3_13: THIS time around :452: BUT :thinkey: in some OTHER existince I most likely was a SOB and EARNED them so I am just PAYING the over due bill:thinkey: and TRYING to LEARN from the EXPERIENCE and NOT :452: continue the PATTERN!:thinkey::shine:

ACCEPT the REALITY :yes:-- do NOT alter IT:452: -- just HOW you chose to PERCIEVE IT!:wink::yes::shine:

the DUCK :15_1_70v:

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

Brio, he was, indeed, a very good husband for years. Things started changing about two years ago, though. I have no reason to make excuses for him. It would be easier for me to say he's been a snake all along, but it isn't true, and I'd rather face a truth that hurts than cling to a lie that soothes my ego.

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

That reminds me of a time a good old friend invited a group of us out to his family farmland. There was no farm house out there, just a big shed with a tack room and a fireplace that his grandfather built long ago.

We used to go out there and shoot a lot of skeet and then drink some beer when the fireplace warmed up the tack room.

On that one particular day the friend didn't specify what the party was about, so I assumed I should bring the shotgun, a box of clay targets and a six pack.

That day we show up out there, surprise, we see a cooler full of beer. Alongside a pile of roofing materials, tar, roofing nails and ladders...

With six guys out there it didn't take too long to fix that roof.

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

Hey Maddie, single GIM'er here. I'm physically fit, hardworking, stacking what I can, and try to live a life of integrity and honor. There's probably dozens of single guys like me available, here on GIM. (Though I've been hoping SilverBelle would bite the bait, but I'm free.)

Here's the thing. Life sometimes throws us curveballs. Personal strength, overcomes them. I wish you the best and hope that this curveball eases past the plate, in a quick manner. The best, for you, has yet become.

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

haha, umm, don't turn in a thread about a devastating emotional event into a dating offer. Getting into another relationship right away should be the last thing on your mind after a hard breakup.

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

Agreed. Just trying to show that there's a lot of life out there, to see and do. It's good to look forward, in life, then dwell on the past. There's only so much one person can do, it has to be lifted...then released.

Then, may we enjoy what freedom's in life we have.

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

Hang in there, Maddie. I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. I don't know you, but I respect the things that you have said in this thread. I'm sorry for the pain that you're feeling, but this too shall pass. And when it does, I pray that you'll find yourself in a better place.

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

I'm relieved to hear that Maddie. You'll be okay :rose:

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

Yes, that was my point. That we delude ourselves and end up causing more harm, I know I did.

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

Hey Maddie. You okay?

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

I'm hanging in there. Yesterday I started feeling the anger. I knew it was coming, of course, and I know it's just one of the phases, but it felt kind of good after all the crying.

He came by here today while I was at work to pick up a few things. He took his beer and wine, including the one cold beer I left in the fridge, and a package of lunch meat. Lol! I suppose he took some clothes, too, but I didn't notice anything else missing. At least he put the garbage out and took the newspapers to recycle. Otherwise, I've not seen or heard from him since last Sunday. It still hurts like hell, but I'm getting used to his not being here.

And BoatingAccident, I knew what you intended and wasn't offended. Something like this is a real blow to one's feelings of self-worth, especially the way he did it. It's hard to feel so alone and unwanted, and it does help to know that there are good guys out there when the time is right again.

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

Still thinking about you sweetie :hugs:

Re: Non-Prepping Spouse
 

Thinking of you too. I hope you are doing okay.